My 5 Raunchy (and Hilarious) Rules for Writing an O-O-OMG Sex Scene!

THIS WRITER’S LIFE: So I was writing my novel. TARGET 91,  when 2 of my characters were up for it!

What the hell!!!!

You will find my 5 Raunchy (and hilarious) Rules for Writing an O-O-OMG Sex Scene here.

My novel, TARGET 91, with more than one O-O-OMG sex scenes, is on AMAZON  USA, UK, and AUS.

Also KOBOSMASHWORDS, and Barnes&Noble NOOK and Apple iBook.

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THIS WRITER’S LIFE: OMG! I’m Gonna Die from Sitting-on-My-Butt Disease!

In an article titled Health experts have figured out how much time you should sit each day‘ in the Washinton Post (Brigid Schulte, 2 JUN, 2015), which prompted the standing-desk fad,  Health experts warned that prolonged sitting on your butt is ‘associated with a significantly higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer, and depression, as well as muscle and joint problems.’

These conclusions are based on at least one study in the BJM   where ‘Reduced sitting time was associated with telomere lengthening in blood cells in sedentary, overweight 68-year-old individuals participating in a 6-month physical activity intervention trial’. This is better than rats. 

But looking at telomere lengths in overweight 68-year-olds is a severely limited study and sample size. Draw your own conclusions.

Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019)

THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Drink 8 Glasses of water a day. Yeah! Right!

Drs. Dan Negoianu and Stanley Goldfarb at the University of Pennsylvania reviewed published clinical studies on the topic and found no data to suggest people need to stick to the “8 x 8″ rule.

“Indeed, it is unclear where this recommendation came from,” they write in an editorial in the June 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology.

Then I had to look up Nephrology.

Nephrology deals with the physiology and diseases of the kidneys. So the KIDNEY GUYS say drinking “8 glasses of water a day” advice has no scientific basis or,  it’s rubbish.

Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019)

THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Euphemisms for fun and profit!

A friend bought her granddaughter a NETFLIX AND CHILL cushion for her Birthday. The hilarious response to the gift was how my friend found out that NETFLIX AND CHILL had an entirely different meaning for millennials.

So watch those EUPHEMISMS. They can be soooooo embarrassing and hilarious. If you are not familiar with this euphemism consult Dr. Google.

Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019).

 

THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Inspiration or Prison?

Reading is essential for a writer.

Who wouldn’t want to write like Dickens or Hemingway or Tolstoy?

Yet from this desire, we create our own chains. Build our own prison.

A writer must kill their literary icons to free their own voice. 

Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019).

 

10 things authors should NOT do by someone who did them all

4. Humour

Some thoughts on writing humour. It’s a tricky business. Current events can instantly kill humourous writing. If you write a funny piece about fear of flying, say, then a plane crashes, the article crashes too.

Readers can take personal affront to a joke. I once wrote a funny piece alleging that the group KISS were a band of aging rockers. They did wear those platform heels. Could be a bit dodgy as you age. I received quite a few outraged emails. The KISS army is out there somewhere still loyal and still marching on.  Age shall not weary them,  apparently.  I’ve  had  highly  critical letters stating that my writing lacked  the  restraint  necessary  for  a  civilised  society.  I  didn’t realise I  could  cause  the  collapse  of  Western  Civilisation  by  including  the words ‘pissing yourself’ in an article.

But more than anything I loathe with a passion the HUMOUR section in a bookshop.

10 things authors should NOT do by someone who did them all

5. Rights

Some thoughts on Copyright. It is a tricky business. For instance, fair use laws apply in Australia for extracts and quotes, but what does this mean to a professional writer? (See Australian Copyright Council link below for detailed information) As a freelance author and journalist for over 30 years I am both the owner and user of copyright material.

As a Copyright Owner:

Books and Newspapers: Can publishers rip off ideas you have pitched to them? Yes! Ideas aren’t protected except for the exact wording. In the early days I’d pitch an idea to an editor, who’d reply ‘We’ve already got someone on that story.’ As if they already had someone on a story about using car parts as garden features, an Aussie peculiarity.

Newspapers: Can articles be published without your permission? Not legally. Although I was a freelance journalist and other imprints in the newspaper group assumed I worked in house. If I found out they had published an article in print I asked to be paid. About 2/3 of original fee. Less for smaller magazines.

Online: I’ve had my own articles emailed back to me in a chain letter without my name on it. That’s what annoyed me the most, a friend sending me a chain funny saying ‘You’ll like this.’ ‘Yeah! I bloody wrote it.’

RULE OF THUMB: If your work is used in a commercial product of any form you should be paid unless you have waived the fee.

https://www.copyright.org.au/…/An_Introduction_to_Copyright…

COPYRIGHT USE:  I’ve had a substantial quote used in a VCE year 12 exam. They didn’t ask for permission. But, maybe, for the sake of all students I should have asked for money to inflict some reverse pain on the examiners. Ha!

Recently, I was asked permission for a quote of mine to be used on a brass plaque in a bar in Malta. I didn’t think they needed permission, but I appreciated the request and, if I get to Malta, I reckon there’s a free drink waiting for me.