In the spirit of having fun with the Superhero genre I wrote this book (Illutrations by Craig Smith) for Super Kids everywhere.
Super Fun for Super Kids
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Tag Archives: advice
Baboons Just Wanna Have Fun, sort of.
Before Marilyn Monroe, before the Campbell’s soup cans, Andy Warhol produced BABOON!!!!! The article below about Hipster Baboons was published in the Herald Sun(Vic) and The Advertiser (SA) in 2003.
It’s not easy being a baboon. Life is pretty tough out there on the African Savanna. But not in the way you might think. Professor Sapolsky and colleagues from Stanford University, California have studied stress in baboons in Kenya’s Serengeti game reserve. They did this by taking blood samples of the baboons and testing for stress hormones. And the results are very disturbing.
Now you must keep in mind that the baboons in Kenya’s Serengeti game reserve are hip baboons. They have adopted a particularly modern lifestyle. They don’t have to forage for food. It’s there for the taking. They are seldom threatened by disease or predators. So they have time on their hands to think about more important issues in life such as relationships, sexual politics, strutting their stuff and letting it all hang out around the waterhole.
And they are stressed. Very stressed. First there’s the troop pecking order to worry about. They all wanna be the hippest baboon babes and top macho apes. Then there’s off-road rage. ‘You cut me off on the way to the waterhole!’. That sort of thing. Domestic violence. Excrement throwing is on the increase. Incest. Well, not incest. They’re not too worried about that. But these modern baboons are showing all the physical signs of modern stress. They have stomach ulcers, high blood pressure and unhealthy cholesterol levels. All that is missing are the mobile phones.
And I want to say to the baboons of the Serengeti, we humans will be there for you. We know everything there is to know about stress. We can give you advice. And here it is.
Exercise more. Try jogging. You may feel silly running around in circles without a leopard chasing you. But don’t. We humans do it all the time. And we do quite well on IQ tests so we’re not silly though I’m not sure about joggers.
Eat low-fat Savanna Grass. It will taste like that stuff you throw at each other in rage. But, a lot of humans eat food like this all the time.
Take up a leisure activity. Try golf. After you hit a little rock into 18 holes with a stick, you can spend the rest of the day at the waterhole discussing how to hit a little rock into a hole with a stick. That’s what humans do.
Try a New Age Guru. You can go to a lecture and locate your inner ape. A bit of chest-beating, mooning, and teeth gnashing with the boys in the jungle may be just what you need.
Read Cleo. If you are having trouble with your sex life. Read Cleo magazine. You’ll find out ‘How to get the best orgasm of your life’, ‘How to win him back from her’ and ‘How to get great thighs for Summer’ possibly all in one edition.
Change your lifestyleIf. you have been If hollerin’ and a hootin’ around the waterhole at night and generally partying too hard change your lifestyle. Take up meditation. Put on a relaxation tape and reflect on the meaning of life by listening to dolphins calling. Why dolphins? I don’t know. Humans think dolphins know something.
Hungover Issues. If you have been hitting the fermented Acacia pods every night, it’s time to stop. Join AA (Apes Anonymous) they’ll give you a 12-step program. Just take 12 steps away from that tree.
Become a SNAB – a Sensitive New Age Baboon. In fact, Professor Sapolsky and colleagues found that male baboons who spent the most time grooming or being groomed by females not in heat and playing with baby baboons had the lowest stress levels.
See. You’ve got to spend more time with the family. Be sensitive. Adopt a you-scratch-my-back-and-I’ll-scratch-yours attitude. And life will be good once again on the savanna.
My 5 Raunchy (and Hilarious) Rules for Writing an O-O-OMG Sex Scene!
THIS WRITER’S LIFE: So I was writing my novel. TARGET 91, when 2 of my characters were up for it!
What the hell!!!!
You will find my 5 Raunchy (and hilarious) Rules for Writing an O-O-OMG Sex Scene here.
My novel, TARGET 91, with more than one O-O-OMG sex scenes, is on AMAZON USA, UK, and AUS.
Also KOBO, SMASHWORDS, and Barnes&Noble NOOK and Apple iBook.
THIS WRITER’S LIFE: OMG! I’m Gonna Die from Sitting-on-My-Butt Disease!
In an article titled ‘Health experts have figured out how much time you should sit each day‘ in the Washinton Post (Brigid Schulte, 2 JUN, 2015), which prompted the standing-desk fad, Health experts warned that prolonged sitting on your butt is ‘associated with a significantly higher risk of heart disease, diabetes, obesity, cancer, and depression, as well as muscle and joint problems.’
These conclusions are based on at least one study in the BJM where ‘Reduced sitting time was associated with telomere lengthening in blood cells in sedentary, overweight 68-year-old individuals participating in a 6-month physical activity intervention trial’. This is better than rats.
But looking at telomere lengths in overweight 68-year-olds is a severely limited study and sample size. Draw your own conclusions.
Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019)
THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Drink 8 Glasses of water a day. Yeah! Right!
Drs. Dan Negoianu and Stanley Goldfarb at the University of Pennsylvania reviewed published clinical studies on the topic and found no data to suggest people need to stick to the “8 x 8″ rule.
“Indeed, it is unclear where this recommendation came from,” they write in an editorial in the June 2008 issue of the Journal of the American Society of Nephrology.
Then I had to look up Nephrology.
Nephrology deals with the physiology and diseases of the kidneys. So the KIDNEY GUYS say drinking “8 glasses of water a day” advice has no scientific basis or, it’s rubbish.
Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019)
THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Euphemisms for fun and profit!
A friend bought her granddaughter a NETFLIX AND CHILL cushion for her Birthday. The hilarious response to the gift was how my friend found out that NETFLIX AND CHILL had an entirely different meaning for millennials.
So watch those EUPHEMISMS. They can be soooooo embarrassing and hilarious. If you are not familiar with this euphemism consult Dr. Google.
Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019).
THIS WRITER’S LIFE: Inspiration or Prison?
Reading is essential for a writer.
Who wouldn’t want to write like Dickens or Hemingway or Tolstoy?
Yet from this desire, we create our own chains. Build our own prison.
A writer must kill their literary icons to free their own voice.
Kerry Cue is a humorist, journalist, mathematician, and author. Her latest book is a crime novel, Target 91, Penmore Press, Tucson, AZ (2019).
10 things authors should NOT do by someone who did them all
4. Humour
Some thoughts on writing humour. It’s a tricky business. Current events can instantly kill humourous writing. If you write a funny piece about fear of flying, say, then a plane crashes, the article crashes too.
Readers can take personal affront to a joke. I once wrote a funny piece alleging that the group KISS were a band of aging rockers. They did wear those platform heels. Could be a bit dodgy as you age. I received quite a few outraged emails. The KISS army is out there somewhere still loyal and still marching on. Age shall not weary them, apparently. I’ve had highly critical letters stating that my writing lacked the restraint necessary for a civilised society. I didn’t realise I could cause the collapse of Western Civilisation by including the words ‘pissing yourself’ in an article.
But more than anything I loathe with a passion the HUMOUR section in a bookshop.
10 things authors should NOT do by someone who did them all
5. Rights
Some thoughts on Copyright. It is a tricky business. For instance, fair use laws apply in Australia for extracts and quotes, but what does this mean to a professional writer? (See Australian Copyright Council link below for detailed information) As a freelance author and journalist for over 30 years I am both the owner and user of copyright material.
As a Copyright Owner:
Books and Newspapers: Can publishers rip off ideas you have pitched to them? Yes! Ideas aren’t protected except for the exact wording. In the early days I’d pitch an idea to an editor, who’d reply ‘We’ve already got someone on that story.’ As if they already had someone on a story about using car parts as garden features, an Aussie peculiarity.
Newspapers: Can articles be published without your permission? Not legally. Although I was a freelance journalist and other imprints in the newspaper group assumed I worked in house. If I found out they had published an article in print I asked to be paid. About 2/3 of original fee. Less for smaller magazines.
Online: I’ve had my own articles emailed back to me in a chain letter without my name on it. That’s what annoyed me the most, a friend sending me a chain funny saying ‘You’ll like this.’ ‘Yeah! I bloody wrote it.’
RULE OF THUMB: If your work is used in a commercial product of any form you should be paid unless you have waived the fee.
https://www.copyright.org.au/…/An_Introduction_to_Copyright…
COPYRIGHT USE: I’ve had a substantial quote used in a VCE year 12 exam. They didn’t ask for permission. But, maybe, for the sake of all students I should have asked for money to inflict some reverse pain on the examiners. Ha!
Recently, I was asked permission for a quote of mine to be used on a brass plaque in a bar in Malta. I didn’t think they needed permission, but I appreciated the request and, if I get to Malta, I reckon there’s a free drink waiting for me.
10 things authors should NOT do by someone who did them all
6. Editors
In the beginning I argued with editors. The phrase ‘shivering like a new born foal’* in my first book arrived in the galleys as ‘shivering like a new born chicken.’ I was outraged, reinstated ‘foal’, to discover in print I’d written ‘fowl’. I’ve woken up in a cold sweat when, during the Iraq invasion, I wrote about friends who became ‘ dessert warfare ’ armchair experts. I was saved that time. A newspaper editor didn’t save me from ‘Bass Straight’. It appeared in the banner heading too. As I’m a humorist, they probably thought it was a joke. On the other hand, I’ve had a book editor insist that a character cannot walk ‘ through the door ’ but must walk ‘in at the door.’ Perhaps she was technically correct. I don’t know, but it sounded horrible. She added about 90 @s to the MS. I took them out and sent her an email with the 90 @s. I don’t see myself as the hissy fit type. Note to Self: Be more gracious or shut the FU. We writers often assume our copy is perfectly clear to others. It may not be. Now I’ll go all Jerry McGuire in the sting. To all my editors, who have saved me from my own arrogance or ignorance over the years, a big belated ‘thanks’.
kerrycue 