Is nothing sacred?

Screen Grab from the Bureau of Meteorology

Screen Grab from the Bureau of Meteorology

Though April showers

May come your way,

They bring the flowers

That bloom in May;

And if it’s raining,

Have no regrets;

Because, it isn’t raining rain, you know,

It’s raining Violet … Crumbles.

And when you see clouds

Upon the hill,

You soon will see crowds

Of Ryobi drills;

So keep on looking for that bluebird,

That tweets the Twitter song,

Whenever April showers come along.

With apologies to Al Jolson.

Today’s column must start with the oft-repeated cri de coeur ”is nothing sacred?”

The Canberra Times, 1 May 2013. Read more: Is nothing sacred?

What Next for the Whatever Generations?

Illustration: Caroline Adaszynski

Illustration: Caroline Adaszynski

Today we’re going to have a little lesson in ethics. The problem with ethical choices today is that there are so many shades of grey we get lost in the fog. This is especially true of the generations dubbed Gen-X and Gen-Y. These generations were born into an era when our culture was diversifying – hallelujah! Pass the spicy chicken laska – to include gay, lesbian, feminist, indigenous, ethnic, religious, disabled and other rights and when conservative community values were poleaxed by political activism, the sex, drugs and rock’n’roll culture, mass media and mass marketing. Any adult under, say, 50 years of age, whether they like it or not, belongs to Gen-X or Gen-Y. I prefer to call them the Whatever Generations because, faced with a simple ”Do you want Maccas or pizza?” or even complex ethical choices, they shrug their shoulders and say, ”whatever”!

Read more @ The Canberra Times 27 MAR 2013: What Next for the Whatever Generations?

My Address to the Nation


We are in the lead up to Australia Day. We know this glorious day is imminent by the sudden appearance in supermarkets of Aussie-flag themed thongs, mini-Eskys and stubby holders. This means it is, once again, time for my Annual Address to the Nation.

Turn off any mobile phones, digital devices and Bluetooth thingys and pay attention. This year I have one question to ask. What’s wrong with you Australia? We are currently engaged in a world event called the end of capitalism. You are involved in this post-apocalypse scenario and you, at this very minute, should be pushing a supermarket trolley down some spookily empty urban street in fingerless gloves while preparing to hole up in a dank, decaying concrete car park to roast an anorexic rat in a beaten up hubcap for lunch. Western Civilisation as we know it is, obviously due to the fingerless gloves/supermarket trolley situation, in decline.

Full Article: My Address to the Nation


 6000BC: Beer invented. Knuckle walking returns. Evolution set back centuries.

3000BC: Babylon sacked. 1st spin. Not sacked. Downsized.

2600BC: Great Pyramid built at Giza. Cheap group tours begin.

 2200BC: Stonehenge. 1st large scale DIY garden feature.

2000BC: Horse domesticated. 1st bet. 1st horse nobbled. (See 6000BC above)

1334BC: Tutankhamen made Pharaoh. Royal inbreeding program starts.

Full Article: The HIstory of the World in 100 Stuff Ups

The Wonderbra is Dead!

The Wonderbra is dead. The va-va-voom in your face cleavage enhancer is no more. If you see a bra at the side of the road or hanging on a fence, it is probably a Wonderbra that has gone feral and ended up as roadkill. The Wonderbra. Died. Australia. 2003. Age 34 years.

Full Article: The Wonderbra is Dead

Workaholics Go Bananas!

Scientists would have to be the world’s most accomplished spin-doctors. They’ve been at it for years. Every time scientists make a discovery it will, they claim, bring great benefits to all mankind. They have delivered on some fronts. But I can remember when they put men on the moon. We were told one day we’d all be holidaying on the moon and chipping golf balls into craters. The only benefits of space research I can immediately recall are freeze-dried ice cream and edible toothpaste. And no one can tell which is which.Full Article:Workaholic Monkeys

Are Engineers Sexy?

It has been ordained by the gods of television that all jobs and/or careers shall be seen now and again in a positive light on TV. Doctors, cops, lawyers, nurses and even vets enjoy their moments of digital glory. Chefs, landscape gardeners, carpenters and even real estate agents are now pin-up boys. The girls in these shows are hot. Any girl who can look good and knock up a coffee table that a bloke can plonk his feet on has to be a babe.

Full Article: Are Engineers Sexy?