Men’s Health

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Men’s Health has been a big issue in 2005. According to the statistics most Aussie men are too fat, unfit and strangers to fruit. Governments around Australia are concerned. This year there have been men’s health conferences in every state, a major survey (Vic), a task force (SA) and an advisory network initiative (WA) all aimed at increasing life expectancy for blokes. But men won’t listen. Apparently. Why? I found the answer in a women’s magazine. As women read these magazines and live longer we must engage men in the type of thinking whereby poor exfoliation is a more serious issue than, say, invading Iraq. And if you did invade Iraq you would need a backpack of extreme skin products just to stabilise your complexion for the duration.

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Loony Science

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Good evening parents and welcome to this Information Night about our exciting new subject Everyone-Has-A-Say Science. In this Year 7 program we don’t just respect individual beliefs; we embrace them. And here are the fascinating topics your children will study this year:

Matter: Matter is made up of small particles called atoms. Atoms can combine to form big molecules like DNA and big crystals, which have mystical powers. Crystals bestow good fortune and can, obviously, help with homework.

Light: Light is a form of energy. Each colour of light has a different wavelength. A crystal with magical powers can split white light into different colours to form a rainbow. A rainbow is a sign of good luck or that it’s been raining. People’s heads can also split light into different colours. This is an aura. An aura is a person’s energy field. Red is for anger; while the flashing red aura means ‘Warning: I’m about to explode’.

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HaveThey Run Out of Car Names?

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I have just seen the most ridiculous name for a new car.  And it has proved, once and for all, that they’re running out of names for new cars. It became obvious that car manufactures were struggling to find new car names when Ford brought out the Ka car in 2000. The name was obviously inspired by the kindergarten song ‘I’m going for a ride in my car car!’ and probably suits a cardboard-box car with paper plate wheels.

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The Wonderbra is Dead!

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The Wonderbra is dead. The va-va-voom in your face cleavage enhancer is no more. If you see a bra at the side of the road or hanging on a fence, it is probably a Wonderbra that has gone feral and ended up as roadkill. The Wonderbra. Died. Australia. 2003. Age 34 years.

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Alyss in Wonderland

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The children’s literary classic, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, has been given a makeover. In a rather frightening marriage of Hollywood hype and macho bravado former stunt man Frank Beddor has rewritten the Lewis Carroll classic to make it more appealing to boys. Frank does know something about the gross-out art of making stories appeal to boys. He was co-producer of the blockbuster movie There’s Something about Mary.

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Workaholics Go Bananas!

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Scientists would have to be the world’s most accomplished spin-doctors. They’ve been at it for years. Every time scientists make a discovery it will, they claim, bring great benefits to all mankind. They have delivered on some fronts. But I can remember when they put men on the moon. We were told one day we’d all be holidaying on the moon and chipping golf balls into craters. The only benefits of space research I can immediately recall are freeze-dried ice cream and edible toothpaste. And no one can tell which is which.Full Article:Workaholic Monkeys

Are Engineers Sexy?

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It has been ordained by the gods of television that all jobs and/or careers shall be seen now and again in a positive light on TV. Doctors, cops, lawyers, nurses and even vets enjoy their moments of digital glory. Chefs, landscape gardeners, carpenters and even real estate agents are now pin-up boys. The girls in these shows are hot. Any girl who can look good and knock up a coffee table that a bloke can plonk his feet on has to be a babe.

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