Forget the Plebiscite! Scrap the Marriage Act.

Posted on November 7, 2016 by Kerry Cue

I wrote this for Independent Australia. The Sex-Life Stasi actually exist. And, unfortunately, they are after Same Sex couples too. See the end of the article for an update.

Did we get lost on the way home from the Sexual Revolution? The answer has to be ‘Yes’. Here we are merrily working our way into a new millennium and the government is still acting like some prim regulatory great aunt tut-tutting on and on about personal relationships. Isn’t it time we dumped the Marriage Act?

Let’s start with the same-sex marriage kerfuffle. I totally understand why couples of any gender combination would want regulatory acknowledgement and kinship rights. But do not imagine for one minute that all Gays, Lesbians and others not included in the previous categories will vote for same sex marriage if the plebiscite ever manages to limp into voting booths in Australia. And here are the reasons why?

The young same-sex couples will, I suspect, want legal acknowledgement and all the romance and glamour of a wedding. But once the certificate has been signed, the cake cut, the confetti swept up and the wedding dress or outfit stowed and turning stale with age, the idea of being legally married loses its gloss. Imagine we’ve leapt over our coy electoral reluctance and you belong to a same sex couple now legally married and about to apply for a pension. Currently, two Gay males living together will receive two single pensions. This amounts to, currently, $797.90 each a fortnight. If that couple marries when they apply for a pension they will receive $601.50 each a fortnight. Even the most dedicated Gay Rights activist has to consider self-interest when the end-of-earning-life stage is just over the horizon. Each of those extra dollars counts. Ditto for unemployment benefits. The current payment to a single citizen without children is $578.20 per fortnight. But a partnered citizen with no children – note the Department of Human Services wording – is entitled to only $477.70 a fortnight. That’s 100 bucks each less a fortnight. When you are counting pennies 100 dollars counts.
Some pension-aged married heterosexual couples have tried to separate by dubious means – say, using a false address – to get those extra dollars. And they could, if found out, end up in front of the Administrative Appeals Tribunal and be asked to give the overpayment back. But this is not the end of such indignities.

We have Common Law marriages in Australia. A Common Law marriage – once called a defacto relationship – applies to couples who are living together and present to family and friends as a married couple. Currently, the Gay couple above may* never be questioned on their married status even if they lived together and therefore they are entitled to the full pension or unemployment benefits. But once the Same Sex Marriage Act is introduced they will be living in a Common Law marriage and therefore only eligible for a married couples pension or dole. It gets worse.

If that couple owns two houses the situation edges into the murky mud of a legal quagmire. If they share the same main address they are deemed to be a Common Law couple then that second house should be subject to Land Tax. Why should only married couples pay Land Tax on a second property? So our government is really interested in how many sleeps you have at your partner’s house as this might turn you into a Common Law married couple. And how many sleeps a week is that? Is this what we want? A government that insists on knowing how many sleeps we have with our partners? Do we really want the Sex-Life Stasi snooping around our lives?

Currently, many heterosexual couples are in this legally dicy limbo. These are the post-divorce couples with two houses and sleep overs. The Australian Institute of Family Studies calls them LATs. (Living Apart Togethers) There are, at the last count, 1.1 million LATs in Australian. And the Tax Office is interested in their relationship. Are they a Common Law couple? Do they claim the single pension rate? Should they pay Land Tax on the second house? There is another alarming legal time-bomb for this post-divorce-with-sleepovers heterosexual couple. If one partner dies the other partner’s offspring can make a claim on the deceased’s will regarding assets, super, whatever.

Meanwhile, the current Marriage Act is making fools of all heterosexual couples and it has been doing so for years. We go to the chapel or park or beach or wherever to sign a legal document we have never read. What are your legal obligations when you sign that marriage certificate? I think most of us haven’t got a clue.

We should scrap the Marriage Act. All individuals should receive the same legal rights regarding financial benefits. The government can produce a standard marriage contract and couples of any gender can opt in. Or couples can draw up their own private contract. Many already use a binding Pre-Nuptial Agreement, but it mostly applies to financial arrangements. This contract should spell out all obligations. Finances will be shared in this way. This marriage will be one which, hopefully, produces and raises children. Or not. Young women today can end up in Common Law relationships or even legal marriages assuming that they will have children, but as soon as she hears the loud ticking of the biological clock and puts pressure on him, he’s outa there. I’ve known women in this situation. She’s made assumptions that weren’t in his contract. Even a clause stipulating that children will be reared in Australia might help clarify intent.

When going to the chapel, or wherever, is not the time to read the contract, but it should be in writing and carefully read before the big day. We might be fools in love, but if we scrap the Marriage Act and use private marriage contracts and make entitlements equal for every Australian citizen, living together or not, at least, when we marry we know our legal obligations and the government won’t become the Sex-Life Stasi making fools of us all.

*I have corrected the article to read ‘may never’ instead of ‘would never’ because I have found out that the Sex-Life Stasi do, indeed, investigate the relationship status of same-sex couples even though there is, currently, no proof of that relationship in the form of a marriage certificate. A Facebook status, maybe. From 1 July 2009 changes to social security and family assistance legislation mean that all couples are recognised, regardless of the gender of a partner. And be warned, your family and friends can be called as witnesses in front of the Administrative appeals Tribunal. So, currently, Australia has the hypocritical stance that self-declaring Same Sex couples will be recognised as a Common Law couple and, where applicable, paid less benefits, but they cannot legally marry.

Orlando, Fl, 2016

Posted on June 14, 2016 by Kerry Cue

While doing reasearch for a novel on American Gun Culture I discovered that following the Dunblane School mass-shooting in Scotalnd in 1996 (16 children and 1 teacher killed) the UK banned handguns totally. Following the Port Arthur mass-shooting in 1996 (35 killed) Australia banned all automatic and equivalent rifles and pump action shot guns. Other countries are not so fortunate.

New Ways to Die: The Snuffie

Posted on November 5, 2015 by Kerry Cue

The world is my ant farm. Human behaviour fascinates me in all shades of crazy. So the advent of the SELFIE continues to intrigue. Are we more self-obsessed now? Or do we simply have access to the technology to indulge our self-obsessions? Or are we becoming more stupid? The Guardian, UK, recently ran an article about DEATH BY SELFIE. People do unbelievably stupid things to capture a look-at-me snap such as:

get up close and friendly with bears, bison and tigers!!!
perch teetering on cliffs
photograph themselves running in front of charging bulls
and shooting themselves in the head taking that GANSTA pic.

Since the SELFIE is a word invented to describe a new behaviour, I think we need to invent another new word to describe DEATH BY SELFIE. I suggest THE SNUFFIE. Will it catch on? I hope not.

My Comic In-Your-Face Feminist Manifesto for the Modern Young Woman

Posted on June 23, 2015 by Kerry Cue

I’ve written in the media, all types, for 30 years.

And in all this time, I’ve avoided what is quaintly called the F-bomb. But, OMG, I forgot to keep myself nice and wrote this article for The Independent Australia to king-hit the idea of niceness.

I also wanted to suggest to young women that they should be careful what they choose to care about.

Why the Corporate Cloning Culture kills Productivity

Posted on June 5, 2015 by Kerry Cue

I flew to Sydney last week courtesy of Saxton’s Speakers Bureau to speak at the Cuscal Women’s Initiative Networking Program Event. When I found myself surrounded by a diverse and fascinating group of highly capable women I was inspired to write this humorous piece.

I’m a humourist. This isn’t a word you’ll find on many corporate CVs, but I have worked for over 30 years as a presenter dispatched to enliven serious but dull corporate conferences. Over that time, I have met some fascinating and inspiring individuals. I have also met many corporate clones, who talk the same clichéd talk. I’ve met so many, in fact, I kept thinking ‘Didn’t I meet you last week, but wearing a different tie?’ Come to think of it, the tie wasn’t that different. A narrower stripe, perhaps.

Many corporations evolve a culture that forces staff to shed the greater part of themselves as they walk in the office door. The workplace protocols, in-house rules and/or megalomaniacal memos and edicts that rain down on the lower ranks suppress all human spontaneity and interactions, leading to unbelievably hilarious and inefficient outcomes such as demonstrations of how to sit in an office chair in a ‘Best Practice Chair Sitting’ workshop. Here are just two terrifying corporate archetypes:

Read full article here:Why the Corporate Cloning Culture kills Productivity

Halloween Vs Guy Fawkes

Posted on October 17, 2014 by Kerry Cue

Remember, Remember the 5th of November? Once we had Cracker Night. It was banned over 40 years ago in Australia. (Read more here.) No other festival has emerged in the Aussie burbs to excite kids, promote random outbursts of minor anarchy or foster neighbourhood interaction like Cracker Night except, perhaps, Halloween on 31st October.

Halloween is not an Aussie tradition. Nor do we celebrate the Hispanic Day of the Dead. The DAY OF THE DEAD to me means election day. Nevertheless, we know all about Halloween. We’ve watched American TV series for yonks. The tradition has dripped into our conscious thoughts like strong brew filter coffee. But we do not celebrate Halloween.

A few midget ghosts and ghouls have knocked on our door over the years. We’ve had to scramble around the house to scratch together some suitable treats including muesli bars and loose change. One time my daughter, then 18 years old, opened the door to three 15 year olds dressed as half-baked and bedraggled jailbait fairies.

‘What do you want?’ my daughter asked,’drugs, booze or cigarettes?’

Many a full moon has risen and ebbed since then and now Halloween has managed a ghoulish foothold in Oz. This year, in one suburb of Melbourne, neighbours left a balloon and instructions in each letter box in the neighbourhood. Willing participants were asked to put the balloon on their letterbox at Halloween so that little trick-or-treaters could knock on their door.

Photo Courier Mail

No drugs, booze or cigarettes are involved, but lots of squeals of excitement. And why not? It may not be our tradition, but it gets the kids outdoors and away from their screen-based lives. And, more significantly, it engages the local community.

Of course, we’d have to make Halloween our own. So bring on the Aussie spooks and Okker skeletons, along with ghosts and ghouls girt by sea because no one can remember the 5th of November.

Stage Bomb Prank or Me-Me Porn?

Posted on August 5, 2014 by Kerry Cue

Gen Y (Gen X or Gen Whatever) Outrage! Lumping a vast cross-section of humanity into a vile yet bland stereotype is a form intellectual sloth. Yet, every now and again someone puts their hand up to represent the vilest extremes of their generation.

Yesterday, it was Gen Y Gold Coast citizen Genevieve LaCaze’s turn.

Screen Grab Yahoo sport

LaCaze, 25, who by the way came 5th in the steeple chase at the Commonwealth Games, stage bombed Kylie Minogue’s performance at the closing ceremony of the 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow, Scotland.

Athlete Genevieve LaCaze invades Kylie Minogue’s Glasgow Games show, The Guardian, 4 AUG 2014.

Some commentators complained that LaCaze would not like it if Kylie ran onto the track while she was competing. This analogy is not even close. How would LaCaze feel if some unknown school kid ran beside her on the track, not only marring her performance but the entire race?

But LaCraze wanted her moment in the media. She told her parents to watch the closing ceremony. Her look-at-me antics have gone viral. This is Me-Me Porn. A Media-hyped Selfie posted to the world.

Why get annoyed? Because we paid for this narcissistic ‘photo op’.

Or, as WAJohns commented on the Guardian website ‘Why is it always an Aussie dickhead?’

Good question.

Bimbos 4Eva

Posted on February 17, 2014 by Kerry Cue

To Fiona Connolly,

Editor-in-Chief

Yours Magazine

Dear Ms Connolly,

You claim your new magazine, Yours, from the Bauer stable (Women’s Weekly and Woman’s Day), is aimed at women in the 50+ demographic.

Really?

What does YOURS offer us?

More recipes, more gardening hints, more celebrities????

Bingo the lot! But wait. These celebrities are old. You wheel out the old standards including Michelle Pfieffer (55), Sharon Stone (55), Nicole Kidman (46), Jerry Hall (57), Olivia Newton-John (65) etc. But it gets worse.

Women’s mags have been pushing the skinny big-boobed blonde bimbo stereotype since we were 16 years old. Now we’re 60 and you’re still doing it. See ‘Welcome Chiristie Brinkley to the 60+ Club’ (left).

OMG!

We’re meant to be Bimbos 4Eva.

You seem to forget women 50+ threw out the home & hearth stereotype for women years ago. We burnt our bras. Elbowed our way into the workforce often before equal pay was ratified in Australia (1975). We’ve reared children, which meant for many, post-divorce, supporting ourselves.

Meanwhile, you claim ‘We’ve spent the last year listening to what women like you …… want to know more about …..‘

Could Yours be aimed at the Geriatric Barbie Demographic?

Apparently, we want to know more about Pineapple Chutney, Homeopathy for dogs, Sexual Intelligence, swallowing our anger, loving ourselves and recipes for Date & Walnut Loaf (Could Tuna Casserole be just around the corner?).

Like all women’s mags that chortle the ‘love yourself’ mantra while providing 300 pages of how to change yourself, Yours, offers makeover tips to flog products such as Immortelle Brightening Moisture Mask. Cost? $82. What do you get for your money? Wrinkles that last forever?

Honestly, if any anti-wrinkle cream actually worked we wouldn’t need the stuff as we’ve been applying this goop for over 40 years.

Or store your makeup brushes. Who needs 12 makeup brushes? Dame Edna?

There are, of course, some lovely articles about some lovely ladies of a certain age, but whoever thought we should make a lovely cutlery roll out of a gingham tea towel should have her eyes stabbed out with a fork. Firstly, we are the generation who can – in varying degrees – sew. Secondly, we were a generation who were, too often, denied an education in useful subjects like maths and physics and taught instead how to embroider a linen tray cloth or cross-stitch a hessian peg bag. We’ve had to fight for the right to be treated as intelligent beings. Don’t mess with us. And finally, how dim-witted do you condescending 30-somethings think we are? If we really needed to take cutlery on a picnic, we’d simply wrap it in the bloody tea towel!!

If, you, Ms Connolly, a 30-something (Crickey) Editor, think you can patronise our generation, forget it. Go burn your booster bra, Ms Connolly. We’ve been through this before.

We’ll define ourselves, thank you very much, as we have at every other stage of our lives. And one more thing, we don’t give a rat’s what you or any other age-group thinks.

Cheers

Classic Kerry Cue piece on brainless women’s mags : Abracadabra

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