Sit by a billabong … under the shade etc
Yarra River, 2023
Yarra River, 2023
Edited version of the article I wrote for The Canberra Times FEB 2012
Faster. Faster. Quick. Quick. Click. Do it. We live in a high-speed click-on click-off culture where little time is dedicated to thinking things through and a great deal of time is spent making snap decisions and, as I suspect when flicking through the free to air TV channels mumbling ‘Not that one. Not that one. Nup. Maybe. Nah’, we also dedicate a lot of time to trivial indecision. It seems that we are often faced today with too much choice yet, paradoxically, too little of what we actually want.
Needless to say, romance, love, and commitment are duly processed by the culture into a series of quick click decisions. There is speed dating, sexting, instant text dumping (Iz ova gdby), one-click defriending on Facebook as well as the instant Hook-Up Culture through Tinder. It is a wonder that anyone can actually fit a wedding into such a quick turn-around dating schedule.
The day after Valentine’s Day, however, came as a surprise. I was shocked to discover that media outlets around the world were publishing lists of Breaking Up songs. Is that it? You get one day of romance now and it’s over. I suspect women around the world anticipate that a roses-and-candlelight romance would extend beyond one day. Or should we embrace the brutal reality of high-turnover relationships and call 15th February Bleeding Hearts Day for all the love victims or something more cynical like POTS Day as in Piss Off The Sleazer Day.
Rather than seek out a Breaking Up song, perhaps, jilted lovers could just re-engineer the love songs to fit their status. Here are a few suggestions:
I Honestly Love You by Olivia Newton-John
Maybe I mope around here
A little more than I should
We both know I’ve got nowhere else to go
Because you took my credit card
Then jumped into my much-loved car
And drove off in the after-glow.
I loathe you.
I honestly loathe you.
I cried a tear, you watched TV
I was confused, you drank a beer
I sold my soul, so I could pay the rent
When I complained you got all shirty
Somehow you shafted me
You gave me strength to stand alone
To take the world on my own again
You slept in my bed, but you’re a tool
‘Cos then you went and denied all paternity
You shafted me, you shafted me.
Or, perhaps the jilted lover could simply text: Iz ova? 4Q.
With a little help from not necessarily sober friends here is our parody of THE WHO’s era-defining hit song of the sixties My Generation.
For those still standing: MY GENERATION: Talkin’ ’bout, um, what? THE WHO PARODY
Be warned. US Private Equity are buying up hospitals in Australia. What does it mean? Try this: hospitals with no doctor on duty at night. If you have a heart attack, what do they do? Call an ambulance!
Meanwhile, Bain Capital, owner of Burger King, Domino’s Pizza and Dunkin’ Donuts, has bought a slice of the NHS via a blood Plasma company (Polly Toynbee, NHS Privatisation Gallops On 18 JUL 2013)
You should be on the alert for signs that that other US franchisees are moving in on your local hospital.
Watch the hilarious Healer or Hustler video here.