Vote 1: Kerry for Pope


The College of Cardinals

Apostolic Palace

Vatican City StateĀ  00120


Dear Your Graces,

I believe a vacancy is about to arise in your esteemed organisation and I forthwith put myself forward for consideration for the position of Pope for the 21st Century.

My credentials for the position are extensive. I have read The Da Vinci Code. So I’m fully aware of the lunatic nature of albino monk assassins and the dangers of carrying anti-matter in the papal helicopter (or was that Demons and Angels) and I’ve seen all the Godfather films, which, as you know, involve influential catholics.

The Canberra Times 20 Feb 2013. Read more here: Vote 1 Kerry for Pope

10 reasons why, if you are sick, you should visit your Vet and not your local hospital

hospitalTwo members of the Cue household have just been through the medi-go-round. One came out dazed and bleeding, the other chirpy and bouncing. The tale begins with our little dog, Tuppence. She is 12 years old, which is 84ish in dog years. She has been hospitalised with pancreatitis, bladder stones and a cruciate ligament replacement. Now she has congestive heart disease and is on heart meds, but bouncing.

My beloved HRH (His Royal Hairiness) is pushing 10 dog years. He’s had two angioplasties, by-pass surgery and a stent. He’s suffered dizzy bouts or Transient Ischemic Attacks, which means ‘something’s wrong with your head, mate, but buggered if we know what it is’. They stopped. Last week he had a ‘little’ prostate op in a private hospital, supposedly, an overnighter. Something went horribly wrong. At 3am he started having fits. The fits became so violent he was likely to badly damage himself.

The private hospital didn’t have a doctor on duty at night.

The Canberra Times 30 Jan 2013. Read more here. Vet vs Hospital

Welcome to Hollyweird

hollyweirdThis is a summer piece with a twist. Rather than review the holiday film schlock, I’m going to describe three films I’d like to see. They’re of the Hollywood blockbuster ilk, with an ethical dilemma at the core raising questions such as, ”is it ethical to force males or females to take hormones for the survival of the species?”, ”if the Pope gained office by corruption, is he still infallible?” and ”is it morally acceptable to kill to stop others killing?” Here are the film plots:

Darwin’s Dead
In this action thriller, the latest N1H17 virus has a strange impact on humanity. It reboots junk DNA in the human foetus. Women start giving birth to stocky, thick-browed hairy babies, then to long-limbed ape-like creatures. Finally a woman gives birth to an Axolotl-like air-breathing fish. Panic erupts.

Read more @ The Canberra Times 1 Jan 2012: Welcome to Hollyweird

Goodbye Uncle Sam

Uncle Sam PicJulia says so. Politicians insist. Even former prime minister Paul ”you scumbags” Keating claims it’s time for Australia to embrace Asia.
Unfortunately, we’re a little stumped to know how to do this exactly, as so few of them seem to play football or cricket.

Top marks to India, Pakistan and Sri Lanka, of course. But China is a problem. If only China played cricket, we’d get on like a house on fire. Why can’t Indonesians play more tennis? Why can’t Filipinos play, say, lawn bowls? We Aussies aren’t that fussy. We’ll watch any sport.

Of course, there is a menacing hidden agenda in this Asia push. Before we can throw ourselves wholeheartedly at Asia, we’ll have to take one huge step for Aussie kind and give up the US. Giving up the US will have its plus side. There’ll be fewer wars. Really. Can you imagine Australia announcing all by itself ”Excuse me Iraq, we’re going to invade.”
As for Afghanistan, we can’t even spell it, let alone find it on a map.

Read more @ The Canberra Times 21 Nov 2012: Goodbye Uncle Sam