If you choose to accept this mission, dear reader, you must memorise this article then eat it for I am about to reveal Top Secret Information. And it must not fall into the hot and sweaty palms of the enemy.

First you must choose a Code Name as all covert operatives have a code name and they sound really cool. Unfortunately, 007 has been taken along with Agent 99, the Avengers, Austin Powers and Pussy Galore. But for the purpose of this briefing, I shall call you The Fat Wombat.

Your mission Fat Wombat is to keep a cool head this summer while all about you are losing their faculties and generally whinging non-stop about the heat. You know what Aussies are like in summer. Now in your covert operatives handbook you will notice the symptoms of heat exhaustion include nausea, disorientation, slurred speech, confusion, elevated body temperature (Well, duh!) and inappropriate behaviour. Tragically, half the population of Australia show serious signs of heat exhaustion every summer. Or they’re drunk. Who would know?

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