This week I’m God. It seems we have been struck with alarming bouts of biblical weather, of late, and many claim these tempestuous events are some sort of sign from above. As I am God (or to be precise I am Acting God Level 3) it is my duty to bring clarity to this situation.

How I came to be God is interesting. I read the ad seeking an enthusiastic, committed and self-motivated individual or deity ready to employ their powers of omnipotence to introduce a program of universal harmony and co-operation and I thought ‘That’s for me’. So I applied for the position of Team Leader of the Asset Management Group, Universe Administration Office, Job Reference No. 0000003, temporary and, to my surprise, I got it.