The English language is out of control. New words are being invented every nanosecond. My action group SPOFFLE, the Society for the Promotion of Fluff-Free Lucid English, is pursuing an on-going campaign to save the English language from a slow death by suffocation buried beneath mounds of spin and bull shit. At the end of the day the bottom line is that not one stakeholder in the English Language knows what another stakeholder is talking about because of our persistent overuse of cliches. And it has to stop.

Fortunately, for future generations, we at SPOFFLE continue to draw up sets of rules for the care and proper use of the English language.

Rule one: A new word can be invented if, and only if, it does not cost us more money.

You know how this works. First there was television. B&W. Then came colour telly, VCRs and cable TV. They cost us heaps. In no time, we had to fork out for DVD players then HDD thingimmys. Now any new words added to the English language for your viewing pleasure will set you back $5000.