Good Morning Ladies and Gentlemen, Bugga Up Air Flight 179 to, um, that place … What is it? Wait. I’ve got it here somewhere, written on the back of an envelope. Here it is. Flight 179 to Syderney. Soderney. Whatever. Yous all know ‘cos yous booked online. Nothin’ to do with me.

Anyhows, Ladies and Gentlemen, your flight to. Wait. My colleague, Toolulaba, tells me Flight 179 is to Melbun. By Melbun, we at Bugga Up Air mean an airport near Melbun, say, only 200 km away from the GPO for your convenience. You can buy a bus timetable from any of our helpful ground staff for $15. Now as yous have all booked online for one of our direct express, cut-price, low-fee, off peak, unbundled, lease-a-plane, rent-a-crew, outsource-an-IT-guy, scab-some-maintenance-guys cut-cost carrier with work experience cabin staff, drug-recovery-program baggage handlers and an Afghani trainee pilot, we need to go over some of the in-flight features before yous board the plane.

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